My Maine Remembrance Retreat experience opened me to old and new memories as I strengthened friendships and forged new ones. Mostly I remembered my truest passions, as new concepts and ideas for the future began brewing in my mind.
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| Figure 1. Santosha at Hillholm Estate Yoga Retreat Venue. |
I’ve been a member of Allie Van Fossen’s Online Body Mind Soul Yoga Studio for over 6 years and had never did a face-to-face retreat with her; so, when she announced her Remembrance Retreat in Maine for September 2025, I registered immediately. As a bonus, Mark and I camped on the way there to see the northeast fall colors and explore National Parks, Niagara Falls, the Adirondacks, and other locations (Watch for blog on this).
Mark dropped me off at the retreat venue and drove back to his campsite in New Hampshire planning to ride his motorcycle while I was gone. I checked into my room at Santosha at Hillholm Estate on Thursday, September 25th about 3 p.m. I had a private room corner room on the ground level with the view of the backyard, hot tub, sauna, and fire table area. I had my own bathroom and a cute little wooden log desk for writing.
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| Figure 2. My room at Santosha. |
After settling in and unpacking, I went to the common room, got a cup of tea, and talked to a few people. It always takes me a while to feel comfortable with others at when I start a retreat and it felt good to begin. Allie and the rest of the airport group arrived a short time later and then it started to really feel like a retreat. As I introduced myself, many remembered me as the “plant person” from our Facebook Group. I started to wonder if I focus too much on plants and need to expand more, so I tried not to focus on plants at first; but, as you’ll soon read, that didn’t last long.
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| Figure 3. Common Room. |
It was a slow-paced retreat with the same schedule every day. We ate four meals a day, giving us ample time around tables to visit with new and old friends. All the meals were buffet style, but they had our names on special foods. I always had a separate vegan plate. There was a pranayama and journaling session every morning, followed by continental breakfast. Late morning we did asana yoga, then ate brunch. At noon each day we went for a hike, then had a light lunch. We had free time in the afternoons, which was also when we worked on our mala bead necklace craft projects. Evening yoga ended with supper and more free time. The schedule flowed nicely and gave me lots of time for self-reflection.
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| Figure 4. Dining room at Santosha. |
Opening Circle
The first evening’s opening circle helped solidify the purpose of the Remembrance Retreat. I said on my turn that I wanted to remember my past and how it helps mold me into a future me. Allie discussed the Yoga Sutras 1.2 and 1.3 that we would study deeply over the next few days. It was fun to listen to each yogis plan for the retreat. After supper, we sat around in the common room getting to know each other.
Morning Pranayama and Journaling
Each morning Allie led us in a series of pranayama breathing exercises that ended with time for journaling.
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| Figure 5. Yoga Studio. |
Here is what I wrote after day one’s pranayama. Calm. That was my word for 2025. I feel calm after the opening pranayama. I feel balanced and ready to participate in this retreat. Let it flow and be me. Calm is a wonderful feeling. It happens when I'm connected to the trees and plants around me. I feel it in the room’s wood planks that surround me, and in the incense in the air. I saw a doe and fawn outside the window this morning. They were calm yet attentive. I can do that too. Be attentive to what my true self needs. I don't have to talk a lot or do anything at all, if I don't want to. Don't force it. Use my golden egg to stay present. I liked Allie’s visualization of our spine as straight and present, not bent to the past or to the future, but present in the now.
After day two’s pranayama. I have no words today. They are scrambled in my head. I need to root and connect. I'm enjoying community and being face to face with community members. It is part of the learning process. I am doing it. I'm trying so hard to create or inspire and be more. Just be. Relax. Find calm and the clarity will come. I've resisted plants at first, trying to find something else, but they are my soul. Plants nourish me body, mind, and soul. I need to quit resisting and let them guide and soothe me. I'm a plant in human form. I'm a combination of plants. I've studied and observed and loved plants from all over the world. They call to me and want to be witnessed and loved. I need to find more. I need to revisit old plant friends and find new ones. I want to show others how to know the plants more personally. I need to combine yoga and plants to help others learn more. Start small and build my yoga plant world. The plants want me to do this. I want to do this. I get teary thinking about it. Thank you, plants.
Day three. Do I check into the outside world before myself in the mornings? I’m not sure I do, but I should. I should wake up to feel, listen, and touch the earth's vibes of peace and positivity. Don't think about myself. Let the usual morning aches and daily pressures remind me to go outside myself with gratitude for Mother Nature and my tribes. I need to send my love out to them and only after all that should I go back inside to focus on me and my day. Or, wouldn't it be great to stay open and free all day? It sounds lovely. It sounds like calm contentment. Reminders of who I am and my true self. This is a Remembrance Retreat, and I am starting to remember to go outside. I've focused on me a long time and I will still do that but I when I leave here, I will also remember nature and my tribes.
Asana Yoga
Asana yoga felt great each day as we flowed through vinyasas and rested in shavasana. Each asana class began with a lesson that was reinforced through the various poses.
Allie started day one’s asana yoga with lessons about Yoga Sutra 1.2: yogas citta vritti nirodhah. It tells us that yoga helps cease the fluctuations of the mind, allowing us to achieve our true nature. She taught us to think of ourselves as the sky and our thoughts as clouds and weather. The thoughts are there, but as we observe them, we can watch them move away like clouds, thus clearing our mind.
The next day she covered Yoga Sutra 1.3: tadā drashtuh svarūpe 'vasthānamam. It says that after calming our mind in 1.2, our truth self-abides.
During one shavasana I saw my inner mentor’s eye clearly. It was blue. My eyes are brown, but I've always wanted blue eyes. No, my eyes won't change color, but I felt like my grandmothers, whom had blue eyes, were within me to guide me along to my true self.
Daily Group Walks
Each day at noon we walked for about a mile out and back. The first two days we talked on the way out, then were silent on the walk back.
On day one it was quite muddy in places due to the recent rains. There were many invasive plants like autumn olive, barberry, black swallow wart, and bittersweet. There were also gorgeous native plants in their autumn color splendor. I noticed many green and white ash, which was great since the Emerald Ash Borer has killed most ash trees in other locations. There were mostly sugar and silver maples, but also red oak, popular, and pine. I saw cedar and hemlock. Red bright berries stood out on a cranberry bush viburnum. Yellow leaves covered the cherry, white and yellow birch trees. I spotted a few dogwood shrubs. The tree understory had many yellowing ferns, including sensitive, bracken, and oak. I wanted to stop and examine them. I saw asters, Jack-in-the-pulpit berries, and small blueberry plants.
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| Figure 6. Asters and ferns along the hike. |
On day two I opened up a little about my yoga plants idea during our walk and everyone seemed to love the concept. I enjoyed that walk even more. There were less people, and we were all opening up more. We went further and there were more gorgeous fall views.
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| Figure 7. Walking in Maine's fall colors. |
On day three, the walk was entirely silent and a bit longer. On the first half I stopped to pick up fallen leaves - all different types from trees. As a walked I heard leaves rustle above, watched them spiral down to the ground (which is a great metaphor for letting go), heard birds rustle and sing, saw various bark types, and mostly I sauntered calmly and contently. When I got back, I arranged the leaves for a photo and then labeled them on my computer.
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| Figure 8. Leaf collection from my hike. |
Evening Yoga
The first evening Allie led us in a yoga nidra session, which is always relaxing. Afterwards we went around the room to share what we remembered most about our day. I said the walking was special to me, first with the group and later alone. Walking alone, I remembered that I could live fully in a moment and let thoughts go. I remembered to witness thoughts, look at the clouds, and watch the thoughts float way. Darker thoughts were darker clouds. It got easier each time, and I found that I remembered quicker to move on to the next thought.
The second evening we did restorative yoga with only three poses. The first pose we held for 20 minutes without guidance. Holding a pose for that long really helped me relax further and fully feel the muscles release into the position. It felt good. That, combined with my relaxing massage I had that day, made for total release and contentment.
One evening, the venue’s owner did a sound healing session for us. She started the session talking about contentment. Her definition for Santosha was “settled contentment without striving.” She talked about happy emotions as being fleeting or a result of something happening. On the other day, contentment is deeper and longer lasting. The sound healing didn't give me any revelations. It was chaotic at times and did bring up fear and scary things like ghosts and cat’s eyes and skeletons, but mostly I saw swirling ether and lights and felt relaxed. I think the session mostly confirmed that I could recognize my fears and let them go. Release and be content. I felt content after a great day with many fun and happy moments with new friends.
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| Figure 9. Sound bowls in yoga studio. |
The last night we used our new mala necklaces to do a walking and sitting meditation. It was beautiful! As we traced each bead on the necklace with our fingers, we chanted to ourselves, “May I be calm and content. May I be peaceful and at ease.” We walked barefoot outside on the grass in a big circle where we grounded to the earth, sky, plants, rocks, and to each other. I felt the retreat’s peace crash over me, like the autumn leaves falling all around us, as we fell into contentment as a community.
Free Time
In between the formal sessions and meals, I spent my free time reading, writing, walking, and enjoying small town Maine.
I often pick a new book or essay to read while on retreat. For this one I chose, Henry David Thoreau’s essay “Walking” to read throughout the weekend. It reminded me to saunter on my walks to “get out of my senses” and not think “of something out of the woods.” He talked about being most alive in the wilds and that “all good things are wild and free.”
Walking, or sauntering, was a big part of the weekend activities. I went for a walk to town. At first, I went in the wrong direction, then walked to the other end of town and found a grocery store to get a few supplies. I also took a short solo walk around the backyard and communed with the plants. They seemed happy there and at peace. It was during this walk that ideas began to flow for my new yoga plants project. Stay tuned as it develops over the next several months.
I worked on my mala necklace craft project several days. I started in my room and then went to the common room to craft with the others. That was great fun. I love my necklace. It is a great memory piece for the retreat.
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| Figure 10. Crafting my mala bead necklace. |
I sat alone on the front porch and journaled with lilac, Joe Pye weed, phlox, rose hips, asters, primrose, and milkweed around me. We sat often in the common room or outside at fire tables talking with others. All the yogis in attendance were so like-minded. We were like beads on the mala necklace strung together with a common thread.
Everyone had an hour massage during the retreat. Mine was awesome. It also included some Reiki and sound energy.
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| Figure 11. Massage Hut. |
Final Thoughts
The retreat was a chance to slow down, connect with community and nature, and learn more about myself. Other retreats helped me face fears of adventure. This one helped me find tools to face internal fears, negativity, and mind chatter to live a calm and content life. I felt calmer. I felt content. I felt strong and soft and balanced. I felt inspired to pursue my dream of combining yoga and plants and helping others also experience yoga's holistic magic while personally connecting with the plant world around them. I remembered that I am a plant person that loves crafts. I remembered to saunter, instead of just walk a trail, and to slow down and listen. I remembered that I am social, that I love yoga, and that have much more to learn.
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| Figure 12. Group picture after a hike. |
Ali asked us to write and share a statement for our closing session. Here's what I wrote. As Maine’s autumn leaves gently rained from the trees, I slowed down to remember my true self. It truly was a Remembrance Retreat.
Photos by Rhonda Ferree and various attendees.
